County Woman Reaches 1000th Disturbing Show Choir Dream

AP—Resident Abby Byrd told reporters yesterday she had reached a milestone with what she called “probably the thousandth dream I’ve had about that fucking show choir.”

Byrd, who participated in show choir from ages 13 through 17, said she has been having dreams about the experience since high school graduation. While some of the dreams involve jazz hands and some involve sequined unitards, all of them have a common thread: confusion.

“I never seem to know where my costume is, or any of the lyrics or dance steps, or where to stand,” Byrd said. “I’m always on the wrong side of the stage. And the larger question is, what year is it? How am I simultaneously my adult self and in high school?”

Byrd told reporters that although she was partly nonplussed and frustrated, she also couldn’t help feeling that the milestone was some sort of achievement, and that she was slightly disappointed not to wake up to balloons and confetti and Ed McMahon holding a larger-than-life check for a million dollars. She celebrated instead by humming selections from Schonberg’s Miss Saigon while rocking back and forth and chewing off the rim of a styrofoam coffee cup.

2 thoughts on “County Woman Reaches 1000th Disturbing Show Choir Dream

  1. Congratulations Abby! My anxiety dreams (usually spurred on by the fact that I have something undone) are always me in college on the day of the final and I realize that I never even purchased the text book. Finish what you need to finish before dream 1001!

    P.S. You’re hilarious!

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