You Really Like Me! (And Blogs I Recommend)

Holy batballs,* readers!! I’ve been nominated for an award! I’m positively chuffed, and I’m not even British! Cheerio!

Thank you to windingroad, aka Kerry, for nominating me. She writes wonderfully about life with her two children. Kerry, sometime I would like to hear more about the shot of vodka with a human toe in it.

bouquet-of-three-award

Since I’m new to the blogiverse and not yet well-connected, it was a bit difficult for me to select my own recipients. I chose seven.

These three bloggers I actually know, and in addition to being fantastic bloggers, I can attest that they’re fantastic people. Check out their blogs!

Charlene Ross: Writer… blogger… sometimes she’s pretty funny!

My Inner Chick: Kim’s writing is sometimes heartbreaking, always inspiring.

Inspired Life: Motherhood, current events, women’s issues, randomness and silliness.

These four bloggers I do not know personally, but whether or not they accept the award, I want to recognize them for being pants-pissingly hilarious.

fisticuffsandshenanigans: She’s funny. Her kids are funny.

whatimeant2say: She’s funny. Her bulldog is funny.

Ramblings From an Apathetic Adult Baby: This self-proclaimed “eccentric dirtbag” can write.

The Dimwit Diary: So can this dimwit. A funny and strangely captivating blog.

If I nominated you, here are the rules:

  1. Display the Award Certificate on your website/blog.
  2. Announce your win with a post. Make sure to post a link back to me as a ‘thank you’ for the nomination.
  3. Present up to 15 awards to deserving bloggers.
  4. Drop them a comment to tip them off after you have linked them in the post.
  5. Post 7 interesting things about yourself.

Here are my seven “interesting things”:

  1. When given chips of any kind, I eat all the broken pieces and smallest chips first.
  2. I was born with six fingers on each hand as well as webbed fingers and had six reconstructive surgeries when I was a child. The upshot of this is that sticking a needle in my asscheek, smothering me with a gas mask, splitting my hands open, and then casually offering me some Saltines and a can of Shasta does not faze me.
  3. I love black cats, with grey cats and long-haired orange tabbies running close seconds.
  4. Just seeing or touching pantyhose makes me sweat uncontrollably.
  5. In addition to fundamentalists and Circus Peanuts, I have a strong aversion to both thrift stores and UPS trucks, upon which I shall elaborate in future posts.
  6. My three most severe gastric disturbances are as follows: The Great Hot Fudge Sundae and Cherry NyQuil Regurgitation of 1992; The Raw Broccoli Debacle of 2001; the Medium-Hot Buffalo Chicken Tender Disgrace of 2013. I shall not elaborate upon any of these in future posts.
  7. Random and timely: Whenever someone asked what time it was, my great aunt Sis used to say, “Half past a monkey’s ass, a quarter ‘til its balls.” I have not been able to stop thinking of this today. Is this some sort of twisted earworm? A future Ke$ha song? My husband says Ke$sha has an IQ of 140. I don’t believe it; I require evidence. Well, clearly this list is through.
It’s not the least bit surprising that this UPS truck is missing its driver, considering their notorious lack of commitment. It may be that I am wildly generalizing from one particular specimen on whom I am still waiting to call me after a promise made in 2004. Maybe.
It’s not the least bit surprising that this UPS truck is missing its driver, considering their notorious lack of commitment. It may be that I am wildly generalizing from one particular specimen on whom I am still waiting to call me after a promise made in 2004. Maybe.
This may be the most terrifying thing I have ever seen in my life. All I need now is a thrift store mandolin, and I’ll be right back with the hipster douche I dated during the worst 13 months of my life.
This may be the most terrifying thing I have ever seen. All I need now is a thrift store mandolin, and I’ll be right back with the hipster douche I dated during the worst 13 months of my life.
OH, FUCK YOU!
OH, FUCK YOU!

*“Batballs” is a real thing. In fact, there is a negative correlation between the size of a bat’s brain and the size of his testicles. You can find this out by googling “bat testicles,” or by clicking here, since I have already done the work for you. You’re welcome.

In other news, I’m too lazy to properly credit these photos. On the off chance that, from the twenty people who actually read my blog, someone wants to take legal action for copyright infringement, just show up at my house with burning torches, OK? Let’s do this old school.

7 thoughts on “You Really Like Me! (And Blogs I Recommend)

  1. 6 fingers? So funky & Cool!

    My cat has 14 toes, as well…. It means you are both Especially SPECIAL.

    You are interesting, weird, fabulous, quirky, talented, and REAL. I like that in a girl.

    Oooo, & I LOVE cats, too and thrift stores and HOT fudge!

    Congrats on your award, Birdie.

    I do not accept awards, but that does not mean I do not appreciate & really really really f*cking like you. Xxx LOVE.

  2. Thank you very much for the honor! I’m not great at doing the awards thing, but I am delighted to be nominated and thank you again for the kind words! Also, if your husband finds proof of Ke$ha’s brilliance, other than her brilliant ability to get those catch jams of hers stuck in my head, I would love to see it.

  3. Awwww, Abby-doodles! (shit, I think I just started a name, here) It’s been an absolute crap of a day, and this just made it. THANK YOU! I hope that the wee prince is named Aberforth or Absolom, or Abraham, just because you’re pretty damn awesome. 🙂

  4. Abby, you are awesome! And thank you for the award. It means a lot. Seriously. Especially since you are so much more clever and funny than I am. (It’s true!)

    I am so honored, I’m going to add you to my blogroll. (When I figure out how to do that. Fuck, I have a blogroll, I obviously figured it out once, why can’t I add you? Shit!)

    And your list, awesome!

    1. Oh, and I forgot – Tuesday I bought a pair of $90 new-with-tags Banana Republic pants for $3.00 from a thrift store. $3.00!!! I am sorry my friend, but thrift stores rock! 🙂

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