Parenting a Toddler Encapsulated in 100 Words

On the way to work

Me, to J: Do you want some strawberry applesauce?

J: I want strawberries.

Me: Well, we don’t have strawberries.

J: I want strawberries.

Me: We don’t have strawberries. I don’t have them. They don’t just appear. Somebody has to go buy them.

J: I want that strawberry.

Me: You can’t have that one. It’s dirty. That’s the one you dropped yesterday. Here. Eat this applesauce.

J: Strawberry!

Me: AND DON’T YOU DARE THROW THAT APPLESAUCE!

*pause*

J: Oh, fuck.

Me: You mean…fudge?

J: Fuck.

Me: Don’t say that.

J: Hee hee. Fuck.

Me: *slams head on steering wheel while driving*

 

Mother, even the dimmest of us can see that this packet of mashed fruit is NOT the same as STRAWBERRIES. And if you can't, then I truly feel sad for you.
Mother, even the dimmest of us can see that this packet of mashed fruit is NOT the same as STRAWBERRIES. And if you can’t, then I truly feel sad for you.