Chesterton residents report that 34-year-old Robin Zergel, who introduces herself as a “Scentsy consultant,” thinks she’s a fucking businesswoman now or some shit.
Sources say that Zergel, a stay-at-home mom of three, recently adorned her rear windshield with a decal proclaiming her “independent consultant” status with the Scentsy company. “I saw that decal and I was like, ‘Shit,’” said a neighbor of Zergel’s, who wished to remain anonymous. “She be trippin. She sell candles. Them candles be a multi-level marketing scheme anyways.”
“If Robin tells me how ‘amazing’ the cucumber-melon is one more time,” reported another anonymous neighbor, “I will punch her in her fat ‘consultant’ face.”
Zergel’s sister Deborah confirmed that she has been keeping her house in a perpetual state of renovation to avoid being asked to have a Scentsy party.
Zergel’s husband, Carl, told reporters that every time he sees his wife’s “sad, reaching” business cards, he dies a little inside. He also reported living in fear of being asked to take the Scentsy catalog to his workplace.
Hahaha! This is why I love you.
*wipes tears*
Oh man. That’s cold. And so true.
My god I am a horrible bitch.
haaaaaaaaaaaaa.
I know that bitch. seriously.
I’ve been hellaciously sick with some kind of fever/puke bug, so I’ve been binge reading the Inernet in bed. Part of my binge was going through almost all of your posts. I don’t think it’s just this deadly payload of medication talking when I say that I think I love you. You had me at “wax cube contains 75% of Zergel’s self-esteem.”