On the way home from grocery shopping the day Easter candy appears in stores
Id: I can’t get it open!
Superego: Put the bag down, Id! The light’s about to turn green, and I’m not having us get into an accident because of your sugar addiction.
Ego: Just relax. [to Id] Here. Take this key and stab the bag open.
Superego: Oh, Christ. You enable him.
Id: [unwrapping a Krackel] Ahhhh.
Superego: May I remind you that it’s 8:30 a.m. and you haven’t eaten breakfast? Chocolate is not a proper breakfast.
Ego: Krackel bars have rice in them. So it’s like…breakfast rice.
Superego: [turning to Id] If it weren’t for me, we’d all be dead by now.
Id: [ignoring him and reaching for a Reese’s peanut butter cup] Yummy.
Superego, to Ego: Come on! Aren’t you going to do anything?
Ego: [shrugs] It’s peanut butter. It has protein. Iron.
Superego: [pointing] It’s your lax ways that have almost run us aground. You’re the reason we always retried relationships that didn’t work the first time. You’re definitely the reason we drank a whole bottle of wine on a first date!
Ego: [defensively] You KNOW alcohol impairs my judgment!
Superego: Which is why you shouldn’t drink it in the first place!
Id: [now reaching for fourth piece of candy] So delicious.
Ego: [to Superego] Why do you always have to bring up the past? While you’re running on at the mouth, Id’s gonna eat the whole bag. [to Id, gently] Hey buddy. Listen, Hershey’s kisses don’t really work for breakfast. I know it’s a candy assortment, but I’m siding with Superego on this one. Let’s put it away, OK?
Id: [whimpering, reaching for latte instead]
Ego: That’s a good Id. [motions for Superego to put candy back in bag with the other groceries]
Superego: [shakes head] You know we’re going to go through this every shopping trip between now and Easter.
Ego: [nods slowly, holding Id and patting him on the back] Oh yeah. It’s gonna be a pastel clusterfuck of gluttony up in here. Foil wrappers everywhere.
Superego: It’s going to be a difficult season for us.
Ego: [sighing, patting Id] Aren’t they all?