I’ve been working pretty hard lately for, so my offering to you this week consists of my three most recent pieces.

You and I Both Know You’re Not Gonna Take a Nap, So Let’s Cut the Shit

Look, you and I both know you’re not gonna take a nap, so let’s cut the shit, OK? That “I’m sleepy; I want to cuddle with you, Mama” is bullshit. You know it, I know it. If you can just admit now that you aren’t really tired and have no intention of napping, you can save both of us the heartache and disappointment that will naturally follow in the wake of your false promises. Read more

Teen Trends: The Minstrel Orgy

We here at care about your teen’s safety, which is why we’ve begun a new series known as “Teen Trends,” in which we profile another stupid goddamn thing teens do that you have to worry about. First up, the minstrel orgy.

Major news outlets reported this week that the resurgence of interest in minstrelsy among youth may be due to a connection between minstrels and orgies. Read more

Teen Trends: Putting a Whole Goddamn Orange In Your Mouth

Experts are warning parents to be on the lookout for the latest dangerous teen trend known as Putting a Whole Goddamn Orange In Your Mouth.

“Basically, teens are challenging each other to put a whole goddamn orange in their mouths,” said Dr. Carol Black, an emergency room physician who practices in Los Angeles. Read more


I’ve also been working up some funny lady stuff that’s scheduled to run on In the Powder Room this fall, so stay tuned!