AMC Reboots the 80s Sitcom “Perfect Strangers”

FADE IN:

 

POST-APOCALYPTIC CHICAGO – DAY

 

DISSOLVE TO:

 

OUTSIDE AN ABANDONED CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY

 

BALKI, a 20-something Eastern European, emerges with an armful of canned goods and tampons. He rushes over to LARRY, who is holding a Glock 9 and keeping watch outside.

BALKI

Cousin, I have found the canned food and the lady fluid absorbers.

 

LARRY

Good. Good work. Marianne and Jennifer are still in the truck. Not to alarm you, but there’s a horde shambling toward us at three o’clock.

BALKI

Three o’clock? (checks watch) But it is only noon.

LARRY

No, the direction three o’clock! Over there! Quick, to the truck.

 

Both run to truck and jump inside.

 

INT. TRUCK

 

Larry tries to start the truck, but the engine won’t turn over.

 

LARRY

Damn it, it won’t start. I’m gonna have to hot wire this thing. Balki, take the gun and cover me.

BALKI

(stares) Don’t be ri—

 

LARRY

NO! No. Do NOT say it. I am not being ridiculous. I seriously need you to take this weapon.

Balki reluctantly takes the gun as Larry exits the truck. As Larry works, one zombie separates himself from the horde and shambles closer.

 

BALKI

Cousin! Hurry up!

LARRY

Balki, I might need you to shoot.

BALKI

Don’t be—

 

LARRY

(screams as he fumbles with the wires) Balki, this isn’t Mypos! It isn’t even Chicago anymore! We’re in a whole new world now!

BALKI

I can’t!

LARRY

Those zombies tore apart your sheep, remember?

Balki hesitates.

 

LARRY (CONT’D)

Pull the trigger, dammit! DO IT FOR DIMITRI!

 

Balki squeezes his eyes shut and screams “DIMIIIIITRIIIII!” as he discharges a bullet at the approaching zombie. Its head explodes in a red mist.

 

BALKI

Cousin! Cousin! I did it! Come! Let us do the dance of joy!

 

Larry and Balki join arms and do the dance of joy while Marianne and Jennifer clap rhythmically from the back seat.

 

LARRY

Balki, why are you sweating so much?

BALKI

What? Oh, it’s nothing. I have too much exerted myself.

LARRY

(begins to back away) What is that mark on your arm?

 

BALKI

I…I didn’t want to tell you, cousin…While I was in the store of convenience, I was attacked by a flesh pirate…

Suddenly, Balki’s head explodes.

 

Cut to Marianne, holding the gun left in the truck by Balki.

 

MARIANNE

(unhinged, sings feebly)

We’re bound for better days…

(all join in, weeping)

It’s my life and my dream!

Nothing’s gonna stop me now!

 

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