FADE IN:
POST-APOCALYPTIC CHICAGO – DAY
DISSOLVE TO:
OUTSIDE AN ABANDONED CONVENIENCE STORE – DAY
BALKI, a 20-something Eastern European, emerges with an armful of canned goods and tampons. He rushes over to LARRY, who is holding a Glock 9 and keeping watch outside.
BALKI
Cousin, I have found the canned food and the lady fluid absorbers.
LARRY
Good. Good work. Marianne and Jennifer are still in the truck. Not to alarm you, but there’s a horde shambling toward us at three o’clock.
BALKI
Three o’clock? (checks watch) But it is only noon.
LARRY
No, the direction three o’clock! Over there! Quick, to the truck.
Both run to truck and jump inside.
INT. TRUCK
Larry tries to start the truck, but the engine won’t turn over.
LARRY
Damn it, it won’t start. I’m gonna have to hot wire this thing. Balki, take the gun and cover me.
BALKI
(stares) Don’t be ri—
LARRY
NO! No. Do NOT say it. I am not being ridiculous. I seriously need you to take this weapon.
Balki reluctantly takes the gun as Larry exits the truck. As Larry works, one zombie separates himself from the horde and shambles closer.
BALKI
Cousin! Hurry up!
LARRY
Balki, I might need you to shoot.
BALKI
Don’t be—
LARRY
(screams as he fumbles with the wires) Balki, this isn’t Mypos! It isn’t even Chicago anymore! We’re in a whole new world now!
BALKI
I can’t!
LARRY
Those zombies tore apart your sheep, remember?
Balki hesitates.
LARRY (CONT’D)
Pull the trigger, dammit! DO IT FOR DIMITRI!
Balki squeezes his eyes shut and screams “DIMIIIIITRIIIII!” as he discharges a bullet at the approaching zombie. Its head explodes in a red mist.
BALKI
Cousin! Cousin! I did it! Come! Let us do the dance of joy!
Larry and Balki join arms and do the dance of joy while Marianne and Jennifer clap rhythmically from the back seat.
LARRY
Balki, why are you sweating so much?
BALKI
What? Oh, it’s nothing. I have too much exerted myself.
LARRY
(begins to back away) What is that mark on your arm?
BALKI
I…I didn’t want to tell you, cousin…While I was in the store of convenience, I was attacked by a flesh pirate…
Suddenly, Balki’s head explodes.
Cut to Marianne, holding the gun left in the truck by Balki.
MARIANNE
(unhinged, sings feebly)
We’re bound for better days…
(all join in, weeping)
It’s my life and my dream!
Nothing’s gonna stop me now!
And the best thing you’ll see all week is this web site, which will inspire you to follow your dreams. Go on, click on it.
What you just did here. What you just did. I love your mind.
And I love you!!
Awesome! Never liked that show.
You’re out of your mind in a perfectly good way.
Aww…I am going to take that as a compliment!