For those of you who are new to my blog, here’s a handy catalogue of afflictions I have self-diagnosed, along with their ICD-10 categories:
A00-B99 Certain infectious and parasitic diseases
rare bacterial infestation
systemic candida infection
“parrot fever”
C00-D49 Neoplasms
brain tumor
Michael Douglas cancer
whatever the worst kind of leukemia is
inner facial necrosis (revised from earlier diagnosis, ear cancer)
E110-E89 Endocrine, nutritional and metabolic diseases
hormonal imbalance
plantar hyperhidrosis (excessive foot sweating)
cruciferous vegetable intolerance
chronic chocolate deficiency syndrome
F01-F99 Mental and Behavioral Disorders
sociopathy
early-onset dementia
excessive list-making
cyberchondria
N00-N99 Diseases of the genitourinary system
recalcitrant bladder
ovarian ennui
R00-R99 Symptoms, signs and abnormal clinical and laboratory findings, not elsewhere classified
unspecified eyelid affliction
abnormal nostril behavior, left only
T00-T88 Injury, poisoning and certain other consequences of external causes
rubbing alcohol poisoning
cinnamon poisoning, early stages
mouthwash poisoning (I was refreshing my oral hygiene while leaving school was going to spit the mouthwash in the water fountain, but then someone said “bye” to me and I couldn’t not say “bye,” so I had to swallow it)
ricin poisoning (from partially open package of muffins at Safeway that had been tampered with by a bakery terrorist)
Was unable to find ICD-10 classification for “narcissistic butthole,” so any coding experts out there, please advise.
I recently used my expertise in N39.0, lower urinary tract infection, to write How to Still Be Hot with a Recurring UTI for In the Powder Room. Check it out if you missed it.
