Abby Byrd mothers, frets, writes, teaches, and corrects other people’s grammar in an undisclosed location on the East coast of the United States of America. Her work has appeared on Huffington Post and Scary Mommy, among other sites, and in three anthologies. She is seeking an agent for a memoir about her decade-long search for a partner and why correct use of the semicolon may not be the most important quality in a mate. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter.
Abby also does freelance editing. Contact her at abbybwriter@gmail.com. Don’t bother sending admonitions or prayers. She has a robot monkey assistant that filters that shit out.
Disclaimer: You may be offended by the content of this blog if any of the following descriptors apply to you.
- You have no sense of humor.
- You don’t understand satire.
- You’re offended by foul language, penis-shaped candles, or pumpkin-flavored personal lubricant.
- You’re the kind of Christian who thinks Ronald Reagan was the second coming of Christ.
- You’re a clown. Like, a real clown.
- You’re my hipsterdouche ex-boyfriend from 2005.
- You have a truck, and it has nuts.
- You collect teddy bears.
- Your self-worth is derived from whatever multi-level marketing scheme you participate in.
- You put apostrophes in words that are plural but not possessive. God, you have no idea how much I hate you.
Catch Abby on the Inside Voice podcast:
On Huffington Post:
On Scary Mommy:
The 5 Things Your Middle Schooler Is Doing Right Now
Why We Still Need Our Mothers in the Age of Google
20 Signs You’re Addicted to Sugar
The Weird Sex Dreams Don’t Stop When You Get Married
20 Reasons Why I Need To Time Travel Back To The ’80s
On BLUNTmoms:
Crazy Shit That Should Make You Run to your Gyno
How to Survive a Direct Sales Party
On Mamalode:
Why I’m Choosing to Have Only One Child
On In the Powder Room:
You Can Tell From My Handbag–I’m Failing Womanhood
5 Ideas for Better Period Tracker Apps
The No-Holds-Barred Guide to Ovulation for Women Over 35
Confessions of a So-Called Cougar
How to Still Be Hot with a Recurring UTI
On The Good Men Project:
I Am Your Son’s Female Teacher
On the humor site The Reject Pile:
Questions to Ask When a Student Brings You a Homemade Clock
On the humor site The Big Jewel:
On the Erma Bombeck Writer’s Workshop:
From the live broadcast of my high school reunion
The passive-aggressive, unintentionally racist Dunkin’ Donuts customer
On Sammiches and Psych Meds/MockMom:
- The Progressive Family’s Guide to Chick-Fil-A
- Protesting Christians Say Kotex Holiday Tampons “Too Secular”
- Breaking: Paula Deen Still Racist as F*ck
- We Just Want to Take Your Kid in this Shed and Teach Him About Jesus (by Some Clowns)
- 70% of Moms of Boys are Big Fat Poopy Butts
- Teen Trends: The Kim Kardashian Butt Challenge
- Mom, Thank You For Solving the Mystery of My Paternity on National Television
- Teen Trends: Putting a Whole Goddamn Orange In Your Mouth
- Teen Trends: The Minstrel Orgy
- You and I Both Know You’re Not Gonna Take a Nap, So Let’s Cut the Shit
- Hipster Mom Admits to Liking Olive Garden, Ostracized By Community
- How To Get More Energy By Siphoning the Life Force From Carly at the Gym
As a guest poster on these blogs:
Abandoning Pretense (The Internet on Sex: Stop Telling Us What Normal Is)
Welcome to the Bundle (Zoloft for Breakfast)
Sammiches & Psych Meds (13 New Classroom Rules, Humorous Classroom Wish List, Why We Shouldn’t Praise Students in Public, How Playtime and Cake Pops Spawn Sugar Demons)
In Scary Mommy’s Guide to the Holidays…
… Martinis and Motherhood: Tales of Wonder, Woe, and WTF?!…
…and But Did You Die?: Setting the Parenting Bar Low (Book #5 in the I Just Want to Pee Alone series)!
Hey, thanks for the follow!
You’re welcome! I, too, am a teacher, and I really enjoy your posts.
Good morning! I have nominated you for the Bouquet of 3 awards! I have really enjoyed reading your blog. To find out more, please visit http://klsullie78.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/my-first-award-bouquet-of-three/. Have a great day!~Kerry
We need to be best friends. Immediately.
Oh Thank God. I thought this was going to be more hate mail. Yayyy!
Hi! I’ve been told that maybe my pinger isn’t working…so, wanted you to know I nominated you for the Seed of Light award 🙂
http://klsullie78.wordpress.com/2013/09/08/and-the-nominees-are/
Love the Classroom Rules post. (Found your site from a Reddit link). I do believe they’ll be up in my own classroom within the next few weeks. Thanks for a good weekend laugh.
So Abby…Everyone is so serious. I am so glad you’re not. PS. I just wish I knew what “hitherto’ meant.
Abby, after thirty-three years as a classroom teacher, I wrote a manuscript, “No Teacher Left Behind . . . ” . This manuscript was in response to advising an administrator that I was authoring the book for the next worthless book study being imposed on the faculty. I’d love to send you a copy.
Ooh. I can tell I’m gonna like your blog already. Excited to start cyber stalking!
Thanks 🙂 Sammiches and Psych Meds recommended yours.
Allow me to join you in Club Disbelief? Hello! Why are funny people not more valued in our society? Fine, when we all get tired of not being appreciated and go away, what will make them laugh then, huh? I hope they have a stockpile of Knock Knock Dixie Cups and Bazooka Joe wrappers with bad puns to carry on with. They’ll be sorry! The day they’re forced to laugh at the jokes printed on the popsicle sticks, we’ll have our revenge. Our day will come.
p.s. I TOTALLY HEART Lola Lolita. She rocks.
Hilarious! From one unpaid genius to another….howdie 🙂
Hi! Just wanted you to know I gave you kudos in a recent post of mine. No need to pay it forward. Just bask in the praise. 🙂 http://wp.me/p4yJo8-b4
I am basking! Thank you so much for doing me the honor!