Ten Reasons I Can’t Remember My Username and Password

Dear Technology Help Desk,

Actually, I have an excellent memory. I know

  • The names of the major bones in the skeleton
  • The license plate number of the truck my high school crush drove
  • The scripts, in entirety, of the “Learning to Talk Italian with Brak” segments on Cartoon Planet
C’é un melanzane nel tuo boffo. (There’s an eggplant in your moustache.)
C’é un melanzane nel tuo boffo. (There’s an eggplant in your moustache.) youtube.com
  • The random 16-digit “secret code” number shared with best friend (for now-forgotten purposes) in 4th grade
  • Said best friend’s home phone number from before we even had to dial area codes
  • The lyrics to “Boyz in the Hood”
  • The name of every My Little Pony issued between 1983 and 1987
  • Every shitty thing anyone has ever said to me, including the ones that were preceded by the words “No offense, but…”
  • The name of that neighborhood kid’s college roommate who looks like the lead singer from Guster and whom I have spoken to exactly once, and
  • The first and last names of a couple thousand kids I will never see again.

Given such a wealth of information, my brain is simply too full to absorb my new username and password. So please forgive me for calling you again.

Fondly,

That Bitch Who Constantly Has to Have Her Password Reset