American Women Take Note: Trudeau To Embark on Historic Goodwill Fucking Tour

A creative agency in Toronto has found a way to cheer up the United States–by launching a morale-boosting sex campaign.

After the success of its social media campaign “Let’s Tell America It’s Great,” The Maple Leaf Collective polled their southern neighbors to determine how to best raise their spirits during this difficult election cycle.

“The response was overwhelming,” said Gayle Ohlsinger, manager of marketing at TMLC. “Most respondents agreed that this election has been particularly difficult for women, given all the talk of what constitutes sexual assault, along with general misogynistic fuckfacery from Trump supporters.” Ohlsinger says the agency received some interesting suggestions on how Canada might help. “One woman wrote in the comments section, ‘This election has been completely demoralizing. I can’t think of anything that will lift me out of this depression—anything short of sweet, sweet liberal lovemaking with Prime Minister Trudeau, that is.’ We read that, and we thought, ‘Bingo!’ We’re sending Trudeau on his first Goodwill Fucking Tour.”

Canadian correspondent Bret Loggerman reported that plans for the tour moved quickly. “Canada doesn’t want to make these American women wait any longer than necessary,” said Loggerman. “This is a national mental health crisis.” Parliament approved the tour yesterday, as did a bewildered Trudeau’s wife, who was quoted as saying, “I mean, this is a joke, right?”

Sources report that Trudeau attended a brief training, during which he was instructed to sensually remove women’s clothing while whispering soothing progressive statements like “Everyone should be a feminist” and “I would totally never grab you by the pu**y unless you asked me to.”

The tour is expected to begin next week. Trudeau was heard asking one of his aides to “please cancel my appearance at the National Caucus meeting on Tuesday; I have to boost the morale of the Liberal Ladies’ League of Farmingham, Massachusetts.”

No members of the Liberal Ladies’ League were available for comment because they were all out getting maple leaves shaved into their pubic hair.