No-Bullshit Titles for Best-Selling Christian Books

Shackover

The Shack, by William P. Young

A Banal Tale Centered Upon a Hackneyed Metaphor That Will Pass As Great Literature Among Middle America’s Housewives

Left_Behind

Left Behind, by Tim LaHaye & Jerry B. Jenkins

Bigoted Asshole Kirk Cameron Needs A Shitty Movie to Star In 

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The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman

I Will Make 5 BILLION FUCKING DOLLARS Selling This Book to Deluded Couples Who Espouse an Inherently Misogynistic Religion and Probably Shouldn’t Be Married If They Need a Book To Explain How to Be Married

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The Love Dare, by Stephen Kendrick

Anyone Who Bought The 5 Love Languages Will Buy This Book and Then It Can Be Made Into Another Shitty Movie Starring Bigoted Asshole Kirk Cameron

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Heaven is For Real, by Todd Burpo

Heaven is a Mythological Construct That We’re Using to Pander to a Sad, Gullible Public and Exploit Our Child for Financial Gain

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To Train Up a Child, by Michael & Debi Pearl

A Few Kids Might Get Killed As a Result of This Book, But At Least They Didn’t Grow Up to be Atheists and Homos

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Killing Jesus, by Bill O’Reilly & Martin Dugard

The Jews Did It

 

I thought about adding Rick Warren’s The Purpose-Driven Life, but I couldn’t come up with a title for it. I did, however, find this book review on Goodreads that is too precious not to share:

when i thought my LIFE has no perfect meaning… that i was going on with boring days of 24/7 !! ” PURPOSE DRIVEN LIFE ” came into my LIFE with a KICK of knowing what is GOD’S purpose in my LIFE !! i came to know that iam not a mistake but of GOD’S CHOOSEN ONE !! HE choose me from the FAREST CORNER of this world & appointed me to BEAR FRUITS.. FRUITS that will ENDURES FOREVER & EVER… AS YOU KNOW FOREVER IS A LONG TERM OF TIME !!
i would prefer you “ALL” to read “this” book to get recharged !!
PRESS ON & ON..
FOR JESUS !!
GOD BLESS U ABDUNTENTLY !!

Dear God. Give me some of what she’s having.