Five-Star Reviews for Flights of Death™ Live Vulture Release

“We chose a vulture release for our outdoor wedding, and we couldn’t have been happier. When we were pronounced married, fifty turkey vultures were loosed from the back of a cargo truck. At first the birds were confused, stumbling about in the blinding sun, but they soon took to the sky, making their distinctive wobbly circles in search of carrion. Our guests were captivated as one vulture swooped low toward and the bride’s grandfather and attempted to tear off a piece of flaccid cheek flesh. His subsequent horror, and his cries of “I’m not dead yet! I’m still alive!”, are memories that will last a lifetime. We cannot recommend the vulture release highly enough, especially if any of your guests might be producing gases indicative of the beginning stages of decay.”

Source: morguefile.com

“I hired Flights of Death for my great-aunt’s funeral. In keeping with the dignity and solemnity of the occasion, we chose the black vulture, a dapper-looking bird with a sleek silhouette and sooty feathers. These remarkable birds were drawn to my great-aunt’s coffin, swarming it and attacking it with their sharp beaks. Although black vultures tend to be silent, we were able to detect the raspy, drawn-out hissing typically heard around roadkill or dumpsters. My grieving great-uncle confronted several of the vultures, screaming expletives at them. You hardly ever hear the word “carcass” yelled at a memorial service. What an unforgettable (and frankly cathartic) experience.”

 

“This place is amazing. I wanted to surprise my girlfriend for prom, but I was a little short on cash. Flights of Death had my back. Upon arriving at prom, my girlfriend stepped out of our limo and made her entrance flocked by six majestic California condors. It wasn’t long before my girlfriend’s worst enemy approached her aggressively, trying to start a fight. One of the condors, perceiving her as a threat, immediately disgorged its crop on her strappy sandals. As it turns out, a stinging vomit of semi-digested meat and unusually corrosive stomach acid is a condor’s primary form of defense. I got laid that night. If you’re thinking about a vulture release, call. You won’t regret it.”

 

“I’m a production assistant for the latest John Woo movie. Although I was specifically instructed to line up a dove release, I waited too long and had to rely on Flights of Death. I was sure I’d be fired, but the shootout scene ended up being nothing short of revelatory. The presence of thirty white-rumped vultures native to Southeast Asia is solely responsible for Mr. Woo’s changed worldview, in which death reigns and humanity is beyond redemption. Admittedly, the birds’ highly acidic excrement desecrated the church where we were filming, so there were some legal issues arising from that, but I in no way hold FOD responsible.”